...basically Tuesday...

The air outside is changing. The nights are cooler and the 'end of summer' bugs are making their debut. Most teachers you'll meet will tell you that there is a smell in the air that means school is about to begin.

I can smell it. It smells like fall. It smells like school.

I hesitantly took down all of my summer 'Americana' house decor yesterday afternoon while Brooke napped. With each flag, star, and red-white-and blue trimming, my heart ached a little more. My patriotic living room changed into a fall masterpiece - adorned with orange and brown. The last time I decorated this way was a few weeks before Brooke was born. And I've been able to redecorate for each season with her here - at home, together. The pumpkins and harvest knick-knacks were just a screaming reminder that I'm headed back to school. It smells like school.

As excited as I am about being back in the world of working, and getting back to being Mrs. Wray to 125 6th graders, with each passing day, I'm alreading missing my days spent with Brooke. I feel so torn - because I'm proud of my job and the hard work that I do every day, but my job as Brooke's Mommy surpasses my teaching life...
My Mom is excited to have her every day... We've starting making 'food menu lists' so she knows the options for Brooke's breakfast and lunch meals. It feels weird to know that I'll only share those meals with her on weekends for the next 9 months. Yuck... I know she'll have a blast with my parents - she always does... But I'll miss her so much!

So, last night, as Zig and I were settling in for the night, this was our conversation:

Me: "This week is flying by so quickly! I just want it to slow down a little bit!"
Zig: (chuckles) "It's only Monday, babe."
Me: "But it's basically Tuesday..."

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday...
Sunday is a school night. My first school night since the last day of school in June of 2008. Before I'd met my daughter. Before I had loved her as much as I do today.

I'm not sad about going back to work. I'm just sad about the things I'll miss.
I'll miss lounging around in the morning in our pajamas until lunch time. I'll miss being able to get my housework done during her naps. I'll miss watching morning news shows and soap operas. I'll miss the smell of my house when I've been burning candles all day. I'll miss trying to decide which adventure Brooke and I will take on each day.

I guess I'm headed into a whole new kind of adventure - we all are. Back to the world of working - but this time, as a working Mom.
Because no matter how many kids refer to me as Mrs. Wray -
No matter how many meetings I have to attend or papers need corrected -

I'm Brooke's Mom. First. Forever.