Quiet thoughts...

January 3, 2008...

January 3, 2009...

January 3, 2008 is a day that will stand out as one of happiness and sadness for the rest of my life.

January 3, 2008 is a day that forever be with me...

January 3, 2008 would have created a completely different life for me and my husband...

January 3, 2008 was the due date for our first baby that now peacefully sleeps in heaven.

Although we never met this baby, knew if it was a boy or a girl (although I'm convinced it was a boy!), or gave it a name, that baby lived inside of me. We loved it and called it our child. Then it's heart wasn't strong enough to beat any longer and we had to say goodbye.

Christmas time last year was hard for me. Earlier in 2007, we were preparing to be parents and wondered whether or not our baby would be here in time for Christmas, or wait until the new year... When the holidays came around, then our anniversary, then New Years 2008...no baby. I could hardly stand to hear Christmas songs or celebrate with my family. All I could think about was our baby that wasn't with us.

On this day last year, I couldn't even bring myself to go to work. I took two days off from school right after Christmas break to be alone, to cry, to remember, and to look ahead into the future. I prayed for almost 2 days straight that Zig and I would be able to have another baby - that we didn't have any problems conceiving again. I didn't know it then, but I was pregnant with Brooke.

Last night, when I realized that today was January 3, and as tears streamed down my cheeks, my amazing husband reminded me of the love that we had for each other, and that precious baby, but also that had we never gone through that horrible experience, Brooke wouldn't be here with us... WOW! That hit me like a brick wall...

Life withOUT Brooke...

A thought that physically hurts me to think about...

Isn't God great??

Yes, he allowed us to go through the pain of losing a baby, yet he knew what was in store for us! He gave us the strength to go through the dark days of loss and brought us into the bright and beautiful days of parenthood with a thriving, beautiful little girl!

Today, I pray for all of the 'blog Mommies' that I read about almost daily.

I'm praying for Stacy and Spencer and baby Isaac...

I'm praying for Miracle Max, baby Dylan, baby Brenham, baby Nathan and their families who are no doubt missing them today...

Although these families met their babies, knew them, named them, and buried them...I have to wonder if they're all friends...buddies?

If so, I have to hope that our angel welcomed them to Heaven with open arms!

My heart is heavy today with the thought of what life would have been...

Yet I'm filled with joy as I think about my precious baby girl!

I'm thankful for each and every day that I have with her and her Daddy...

We are truly blessed!

Sleep in Heavenly Peace angel baby...

Mommy's Tattoo (now surrounded by a C-section scar and stretch marks!)

P.S. Don't miss my previous post about Christmas! No posts for 2 weeks, then 2 days in a row! This is getting a little crazy!